Teaching Your Child to Assess Risk

I talk a lot about tools — simple, repeatable things you can say and do that make everyday moments more intentional.

Risk is one of those everyday moments.

Climbing high, jumping off the couch, balancing on logs, going “just a little faster”… these are not just “danger zones.” They are powerful opportunities to grow your child’s confidence, coordination, problem-solving skills, and emotional resilience.

Most of us grew up hearing:

“Be careful!”
“Get down!”
“Stop!”

Those words usually come from love and fear. We want our children to be safe.
But when be careful is the main tool we have, children don’t actually learn how to be careful.

This is where risk assessment becomes a parenting tool.

Why I Don’t Just Say “Be Careful”

In the early years, children are actively building the skills to:

• Pause before acting

• Notice what’s around them

• Make a simple plan

• Tune into their bodies

• Manage the feelings that come with trying something new

Research from Zero to Three shows that executive functioning skills (planning, problem solving, self-regulation) develop through everyday experiences with responsive caregivers.

Pathways.org highlights that climbing, balancing, and navigating uneven surfaces support balance, coordination, and body awareness.

Pyramid Model Innovations emphasizes that children build social-emotional competence when adults coach, connect, and model rather than control.

The goal is not to say yes to everything.
The goal is to turn risky moments into learning moments.

What I Say When My Child Wants to Do Something Risky

When my son asks, “Can I do that?” my first response is usually:

“Oooo, that looks risky. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

If he needs support:

“Where would you start?”

• “Where are your feet?”

• “Where are your hands?”

• “What might you need to be mindful of?”

This is risk assessment in toddler and preschool language.

How We Started This (Even at Age Two)

“That’s risky. It could hurt.”
“That’s a big jump for your body.”
“That’s pretty high up.”

And then — we still let him try many things.

I narrate the smart choices I see:

“I see you moving your feet to a stronger spot.”

“You’re holding the railing. That’s helping you stay steady.”
“You looked for a place to land first.”
“Nice solid landing.”

Swap “Be Careful” With Coaching Language

• “That looks a little risky. What’s your plan?”

• “Show me where your feet will go first.”

• “What will your hands be holding?”

• “What could happen here?”

• “If you start to slip, what could you do?”

• “Look for support.”

• “I like seeing you think about your next move.”

Big Feelings and Risk

Risk is not just physical.
It’s emotional.

Trying something new can bring excitement, fear, pride, frustration, and uncertainty.

According to the Child Mind Institute, children build resilience when they experience manageable challenges with supportive adults who help them work through big feelings.

Helpful language:

“You look nervous and excited.”
“It makes sense to feel unsure.”
“I’m right here.”
“We can take this one step at a time.”

After a fall or slip:

“Ouch, that hurt. Let’s check your body.”

“What do you think made that tricky?”
“If you try again another day, what might you change?”

Big feelings are not a problem.
They are part of learning.

“We Can Do Hard Things”

“We can do hard things” is more than a phrase.
It’s something children learn through lived experience.

Before:

“This might feel tricky.”
“Hard doesn’t mean impossible.”

During:

“Your hands are holding.”
“Your feet are steady.”
“You’re thinking.”

After:

“You did it — even though you felt nervous.”
“That was hard, and you tried.”

And sometimes:

“Choosing not to do it today is okay too.”

Hard things include trying, pausing, stopping, and coming back later.

A Simple 5-Step Risk Tool for Parents

1️⃣ Pause Yourself
2️⃣ Name the Risk
3️⃣ Invite Their Plan
4️⃣ Coach, Don’t Just Warn
5️⃣ Reflect Together

The Big Picture

We’re not raising fearless children.
We’re raising capable, thoughtful, self-aware problem solvers.

Children who learn:

I can think.
I can try.
I can adjust.
I can ask for help.
I can do hard things.

Want support through this journey? I’m here for you. Inquire about services or learn more here.

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